Everybody is an Expert

If you’ve been following me, you know I’m alphabetizing the facets, the experiences, and the whowhatwherewhenwhy’s of dementia. No matter if they are direct effects or obtuse effects.

For the letter E, I decided to write a letter to my younger mother advising her of all the health recommendations she could have taken (according to today’s research or suggestions) to prevent or cure her onset of Alzheimer’s in her 80s. Seems that everybody today claims to be an expert.

Dear, Mom,

You know we all love you and we know you don’t like us telling you what to do but that’s exactly what I’m going to do. It’s for your own good.

You may not know it now, but when you are in your eighties, you’re going to begin to lose your memory. It was called senility when you were younger. It’s called Alzheimer’s disease now. Everyone and their brother will be weighing in with panaceas. I’m writing to you from the future to share their two-cents with you.

First, I have great news. It says here that exercise will ward off Alzheimer’s. That’s exciting, right?

You’re an exercise enthusiast. That ol’ heart of your is always pumping at your senior exercise class. (I promise not to tell dad you attend because you think your younger instructor is a babe. At over seventy-years old, he still runs three miles a day. With sincere sympathy, I will tell that you will outlive your hunky instructor. He will die of cancer a few short years after you are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.)

The article also says exercise helps “preserve gray and white matter in your brain which prevents cognitive deterioration.” Based on exercise science, I suggest that you up your endurance training. Try participating in High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) two days per week. It will positively affect your bad genes.

It involves sprinting for thirty seconds, resting for ninety, then sprinting again for a total of seven reps. I know. I know. It doesn’t sound fun. Not one bit. Perhaps you’d rather freestyle swim. Maybe in a lake, however, because I read that chlorine might be one of the causes of Alzheimer’s.

More good news is that all that exercise will shrink that huge belly you have on your 110 pound frame. (LOL! That means laugh out loud.) Some experts are saying that big bellies may also cause dementia.

Along the same note, exercise might help you sleep better. Sleep might be the key factor in preventing memory degeneration. Peptides build up in your brain when you stay up to read but a good night’s sleep washes all of them away.

Sadly, when you’re eighty, you will be up and down most of the night – wandering, looking outside, searching for people who don’t exist, etc. (You’re probably laughing right now and thinking how totally absurd this sounds.) That’s good. Laughing is good for brain power.

While you’re enjoying that giggle, how about a snack? Maybe a big bowl of oatmeal with a nice jigger of apple cider vinegar with a sprinkle of cinnamon. Cinnamon is an anti-microbial agent that may play a role in reversing or preventing Alzheimer’s disease.

And Apple cider vinegar prevents . . . everything!

What else should you eat? How about trying the Mediterranean diet? Or a Paleo diet? Or try fasting two days a week. Or eliminate all dairy. I read that a banana a day keeps Alzheimer’s away. Oh, wait, maybe not.

But, don’t drink that diet soda. Actually, I never did see you drink a diet soda in your life. You’re a straight up coffee gal. Black and strong and lots of it. And that’s a good thing because coffee is a dementia preventative. If this is true, then you should never contract Alzheimer’s. But, since you don’t know yet that you will, drink up and add a dollop of coconut oil to your cup while you’re at it. There are a few studies that show promise that it helps with memory.

I saw a commercial that said the proteins found in jellyfish improves memory. (I don’t understand this one because I thought jellyfish venom was one of the deadliest toxins on Earth.)

The experts must know something we don’t. So, let’s go with it. I wonder how we can prepare jellyfish. Not fried in fat-bad for your cholesterol. Not with simple carbs like white rice or potatoes because somehow those became evil. Not with beef, unless it’s grass-fed. No sauce containing dairy because of all the bovine hormones and bad cow diet. (Too much protein, not enough green.) Don’t wrap the jellyfish in aluminum to cook it and don’t cook it in an aluminum pan – aluminum was one of the original culprits of dementia.

How about cooking it in some . . . coconut oil in a cast iron pan?

You could grind up some cat’s claw and sprinkle it on top. That’s suppose to slow down the process of Alzheimer’s and the deterioration of the brain. Quinoa and sweet potato dumplings are said to fight Alzheimer’s. (But, who really knows what quinoa is?)

Oh, and skip all your flu shots. They might cause Alzheimer’s, too. But, then again, maybe not. Just wash your hands a lot. But, not with anti-bacterial soap. It might backfire.

While we’re talking about hygiene, take extra special care of your teeth. If you do get a cavity, be aware that the mercury in dental amalgam may cause dementia. We probably should find a mercury-free dentist. Or maybe you should fill those cavities with tree gum. Or sea weed. Or granite. (LOL—do you remember that means laugh out loud?) And don’t drink the Chicago fluoridated water. Fluoride has been mentioned as an offender.

If you do get a toothache, stay away from acetaminophen because I read that’s a culprit, also. Just stick with an ice pack and pray for relief.

Oh, speaking of prayer, you need to increase your church activities and spiritual efforts. Only the super spiritual won’t get Alzheimer’s. (If you read and believe some of the New Age or Word of Faith guru’s.)

I read an article that said the toxins in the air cause Alzheimer’s. Maybe you and dad should spend even more time up at the log cabin he built in the beautiful hills of Wisconsin where the air is clear and crisp and smells only of manure from the farm down in the valley. But, maybe you spent too much time near the farms. Pesticides are said to cause Alzheimer’s. (Oh, heck. Just don’t breathe.)

Also, it seems your bachelor’s degree in Psychology isn’t good enough. Some researchers are attributing the development of Alzheimer’s to lower levels of education. (Go get that master’s degree. Now.)

Some intriguing information – a chemical found in marijuana may slow down or halt the progression of Alzheimer’s disease. I was wondering . . . do you even know what a bong is? (Don’t give it another thought. We both know Dad would kill you. LOL! Do you remember what that . . . oh, never mind.)

Well, I could go on and on. Researched and unresearched theories keep pouring in. There’s so much conflicting information. It’s almost as if everything is criminal. Just do your best to stay healthy. Keep exercising, eat right, stay positive, keep laughing, pray often, and avoid nasty cleaners as best as you can.

Life is hard enough.

Love from 2015,

Your first-born daughter

P.S.

Many of these theories have merit. Some more than others. It’s my belief that genetic, environmental, and lifestyle factors all play a factor.

For all of these experts who believe they have claim to the perfect preventative and abide by their own elixirs, remedies, or antidotes, I wonder how many of them will develop dementia.